Bridesmaid Basics

It’s a random Tuesday. It starts like any other day… you get up, go to the gym, head to the office. Never knowing what kind of storm is about to hit.  Your cell phone rings. You notice the number… it’s your best friend from High School. As soon as you say hello, you know this is the call you have been dreading…

 “OMG! You’re not going to BELIEVE this!!!!!! I’m getting MARRIED!!!!!! Tom proposed yesterday and I just HAVE to have you as one of my BRIDESMAIDS!!!!!!!!!”

 “Of course,” you find yourself saying, “I’d love to be in your wedding”. As you hang up the phone, it’s hits you. You have just agreed to be in a wedding. You have just agreed to spend HUNDREDS of dollars on a dress you will never wear again, despite the fact that the bride swears you will “want to wear it every day, it’s that cute”.

 Now what do you do?

 Remember, she’s your friend. If you are going to be a bridesmaid, the most important thing to remember is this: It’s her day, not yours. Let me repeat that… It’s her day, not yours. If she wants you to wear a fuchsia dress with puffy sleeves, or a wench outfit for her Pirates themed wedding… don’t say anything negative about it. You agreed to be in the wedding – that means you agreed to the dress (and the shoes, and the hair, and the flowers, etc.). That being said, there are ways to make the experience something that you won’t want to forget.

 Before the wedding: 

1. Communicate: This is the number one most important thing that you can do. Talk to the bride about what she is expecting from her bridesmaids. Ask her to e-mail you a list of all the things she expects you to help with and be at.
    

2. Time Manage: Decide how much time you can afford to devote to the wedding plans… and then tell the bride. If you only have 2-hours a week that you can devote to wedding planning, tell her in advance. Make sure she understands. One of the biggest rookie mistakes is to agree to do EVERYTHING. Most brides want their bridesmaids to go along on some buying expeditions, so make plans in advance to go with her to taste cakes, but tell her that she’s on her own when it comes to meeting with the DJ. That’s what her fiancée/mother/soon-to-be-mother-in-law is for.  Make it clear how much time you have, or you will end up making 40 corsages the night before the wedding.
    

3. Don’t Procrastinate: Find out what you will be responsible for, and get started on it right away! If the bride asks you to help her pick out the flowers, call some florists that day. If you are going to be in charge of throwing a shower, call the other bridesmaids and the mother-of-the-bride and mother-of-the groom and any sisters from either side, and get some input (as soon as possible) as to what dates are good for people, and what dates already have previous engagements.
    

4. If you Live Far Away:  Get your plane tickets as soon as possible… they’re harder to alter than the dress. Plus, you will usually get a better deal the earlier you book.

1. And speaking of the dress… if you live away, find out if the dress can be shipped to where you are, and have alterations done in your hometown about 2-weeks before the wedding. Chances are it will be a less stressful way to go. Here’s why: If you have to plan a trip to Michigan to go try on a dress a few weeks before the wedding, that’s not really going to fit too well into the old budget. It costs to travel, and if you have to go to bridal showers, and rehearsal dinners, and the wedding itself, that can add up really fast. (Unless you are made of money, then feel free to book a fitting anywhere you want.) Find someone local that can do alterations for you… but make sure you ask around. You don’t want someone that will do a shoddy job. Ask the old ladies in your church, or the girl that you work with that just got married. A little research can save a lot of hassle.

Also, decide what hotel will be central to the rehearsal dinner, reception hall, and church, and book a room. Even if the Bride begs you to stay with her family, shell out the extra bucks, and have a place to crash where you can actually relax. 

5. Be Prepared. The Boy Scouts know what they’re talking about! Planes don’t always arrive on time, people get sick, the florist makes a mistake, and THE BRIDE WILL FREAK OUT (no matter how easy going she is). So try to be prepared in advance for the little things that go wrong. Plan on needing extra time for everything.
    

On The Day of the Wedding:

1.     Eat Something! Brides and bridesmaids usually have so much going on the morning of the wedding… hair appointments, makeup, nails, etc. that they get too busy to eat. Make food a priority for all in the wedding party… especially if the wedding is later in the day. Apples and Peanut butter are a quick, easy, non-messy snack that has a good mix of proteins and carbs, and will help you get thru till the reception. Also, it’s a good idea to keep a power bar/granola bar in your purse for anyone that gets hungry before the ceremony.

2.     Hydrate! And make sure that the bride drinks some water too! I can’t tell you the number of brides I have seen that didn’t drink anything on their wedding day. Staying hydrated will help you look better in those wedding pictures, too – dehydrated people have sunken eyes, and a hard time holding a smile.

3.     Hit the ladies room. After drinking all that water to keep you hydrated, make sure you take a trip to the bathroom before the ceremony. MAKE SURE THE FLOWER GIRLS USE THE BATHROOM, TOO!

4.     Take something along to keep you busy. Chances are it won’t take you 4 hours to get ready for the wedding, even though the bride probably thinks that it will. After you are ready to go (hair, makeup, nylons, etc.) help anyone else that needs last minute touchups, then sit down and relax. Play a game of cards with the other bridesmaids, do a crossword puzzle, whatever. Thinking about something else will help you relax before the ceremony… which you will need - especially if you have to stand the whole time. Put your dress and shoes on about 10-minutes before you line up (or start taking pictures).

5.     Be Prepared! I know I said it earlier, but it bears repeating. Things will go wrong, and the more you’re prepared for it, the smoother things will go. Plan on bringing a small sewing kit along for any buttons that come off, or some clear nail polish to stop runs in your hose. And safely pins are a must. Also, bring along some Ibuprofen… guaranteed someone will need it.

6.     Remember to smile.  Not only will you look better in all those wedding pictures that your friend will send to everyone that she knows, but smiling releases endorphins that will make you feel better!

 These are just a few tips to help being a bridesmaid go more smoothly. Take it from someone who knows.

  

*Tonya Steinmetz-Haze (a.k.a The Savvy Bridesmaid) has been in more weddings than she can count. She currently resides in Columbus, Indiana with her goldfish, Hat Trick. Got a question, comment, or snide remark? E-mail The Savvy Bridesmaid: savvy@columbusareaweddings.com